The People-Pleasing Vegetarian

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a friend’s house for dinner. She made spaghetti with meatballs. Something I love. But there was a problem. I couldn’t eat it because I’m now a vegetarian. And I couldn’t tell my friend because I’m a self-proclaimed people pleaser.

So what did I do? I ate the meatballs, of course.

As a people pleaser, I will do almost anything to avoid upsetting others. This includes, but is not limited to, going out to a crowded bar at 1 AM on a Sunday night, spending exorbitant amounts of money on bad plays, and eating foods I don’t eat anymore.

For me, going vegetarian is an important part of going green and leading a healthier lifestyle. But going veg and staying veg are two different things.

I haven’t made the full transition. I’ve only eliminated fish and meat so far. Fish because of its high mercury content and over-fishing, and meat because of its impact on the environment (run-off from factory farms that pollute our waterways and the amount of greenhouse gas emissions from just one kilogram of beef, to name just a few).

After the dinner with my friend, I realized I wasn’t going to get anywhere if my convictions were as soft as her spaghetti noodles. I would have to stop pleasing others and start pleasing myself.

My next dinner invitation, I held my ground. Sort of.

It was my father-in-law’s birthday. They were serving ribs. I panicked. I took a deep breath and told myself that I would not eat them. Unfortunately, I also didn’t tell anyone else. So, while they were getting stuffed on ribs, I was getting starved on salad.

My stomach kept growling…loudly. The kind of growl that attracts attention. I excused myself. “Did you eat enough?” someone asked. “NO!” I screamed inside my head but let out a quieter, people-pleasing,“Yes.”

I couldn’t get home fast enough. We walked through the door and I ran for the fridge. I grabbed anything I could get my veggie hands on. I had a three-course meal of sunflower seeds, black beans and old grapes.

Then I felt sick. All because I was too afraid to ask for something else to eat. Was this any better than not eating meat?

The problem wasn’t my eating habits. The problem was my pleasing habits. I realize I need to reduce them and ultimately get rid of them.

There should be Jenny Craig for people pleasers. You would be allowed certain portions of people pleasing per day.

Or a reality show called The Biggest Pleaser. Instead of trying to get along with others, contestants are rewarded for standing their ground, no matter what others think.

I’d sign up for a show like that in a second. But only if it didn’t upset someone else…