Sunday, August 18, 2013

Hall of Plastic

Gathered together from the cosmic reaches of the universe – here in this great hall of justice - are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Their mission – to fight injustice, to right that to which is wrong, and to rid the world of Styrofoam and plastic.

As a kid, Saturdays in my house had two rituals:  cartoons and grocery shopping. 

Super Friends was my favorite cartoon, followed by a trip to the great hall of Stop & Shop where I would get my assignment - a handful of coupons from my dad with the mission of gathering these important items.  Off I went, in search of truth, justice and a giant box of Cheerios. 

But my assignment was not complete until I’d roll up the back of my father’s foot with the cart and get “the look.”  As a kid, the look was the equivalent of Lex Luthor.

I haven’t received “the look” in quite a few years…until last night.

I don’t hit the produce aisle of the Key Foods very often and yesterday, I realized why.  It was like I had entered the Legion of Doom.  Nearly every piece of produce was lying on a Styrofoam tray and wrapped in plastic. 

I saw an employee standing there taking some sort of inventory.  Maybe she was counting how much had not been bought since they were pretty well stocked.  Could it at all have anything to do with the packaging?!

I decided to activate my Wonder Twin powers and formed of an activist, asking if there was any way to order the fruits and veggies without all the wrap.  She kindly told me to ask the manager and went back to recording.

I was beginning to realize that we might need to call in the Super Friends to come to our rescue. 

I took my cart and was off to interrogate the manager. 

Once I found him, I took the truth lasso from my waist, wrapped it around him and demanded to know why these fruits and veggies were wrapped in toxic, land-filling waste. 

But all I got back was a blank stare.  Clearly this man was not understanding the magnitude of the arch-villain standing right in front of us.

Finally, he began to utter something…something about new ownership next week.

Will the new manager give a shit?

What else does this current manager know?

Find out next time on Legion of Super Markets.

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